I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
