I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
