wakey wakey hands off snakey
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize