The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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