You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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