Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
