Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
