You made me cry and you don't even care
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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