YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
