Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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