I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
