I hate all girls vehemently.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
