Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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