Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
