Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nutella sex= disaster
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
