I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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