Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
