even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My pussy is not your playground.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
