the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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