i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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