i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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