So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
