it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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