i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
