finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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