I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
