idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize