Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
