if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize