My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
