Having a random hookup so left but love u
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize