dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
