Sry I called you an 8
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
