it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
