oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
