No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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