Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
