Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
