ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it because I queefed?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
