i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
