Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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