I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
