i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize