Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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