you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
