it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
