Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
