you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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