tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize