Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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