Got a toothbrush?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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