I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
