Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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