I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
