There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
