I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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