Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
