I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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