Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How external is "for external use only"?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
