girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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