break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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