The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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