Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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