My first STD was from a foam party
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
