I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
