You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
