The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
