Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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