Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
