I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize