i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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