Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize