no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
