I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
