There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
