Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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