I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
