I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
