i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
