Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
