I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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