everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
