What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
