My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
