It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
