hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
