how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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