no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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