So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
