Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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