so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
