he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So squirting runs in the family.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
