I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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