She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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