Don't you send me to vm
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
