Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
