Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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