Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
