He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
