There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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